A Love Story

Marketing and I have a complicated relationship. Or maybe had. We talk from time to time and sometimes I think our tether would never rip.

He was that guy. The guy who’d always pay on dates. Dependable, but not intimidating. Smart, but not overly cunning. Parents adored him. He’s responsible, they could see him grow into something more. And he had connections everywhere because he looked competent. Maybe a little manipulative, but his image has always been convincing. Not everyone was in love with him, but some were downright obsessed.

I was too in the beginning. Though it wasn’t him that drew me in. It was what I could potentially have with him. My parents’ blessing, a steady future, food on the table. He was a fantasy and I thought eventually he’d make me happy.

I wasn’t wrong, exactly. We had our moments. We had our victories. But I’d wake up with my head heavy and my heart heavier. And I’d ask myself what was wrong. Everyone else seemed to love with him.

He was so calculative. He stayed up at night with me when it was beneficial to him. Objectives were so important to him, and so were results. He even scheduled the time he’d profess his love for me. Three months into the relationship. He did his research. A Google spiral at 4 AM, open tabs of Quora pages.

I couldn’t help but miss Writing, someone who supposedly I could never be happy with. He always popped out of nowhere. No schedule, no agenda, nothing. It was pure attraction and a shared love of passion. He’d make me laugh in the most random of times and he’d make me cry because sometimes he tortured my soul. It was frustrating and exciting, so I was scared of him.

Like any relationship, there were times when I almost ended things with Marketing. I fell into depression repeatedly. I felt like we were going nowhere and he suffocated me. He wouldn’t let me be myself, wouldn’t let me love the things I did. He had his way of living and I had to follow it to a T or I’d topple over. Which I did. Too many times. I almost ended it once, but it was stupid, according to the people around me. Stupid, reckless, and for what?

So I tried my best to mend us. I did everything I could. I told myself that if I told myself he made me happy, he would. I convinced myself that if I was grateful, then everything would seem like a blessing. I fought for him, but mostly for us, because I didn’t want to drown. No matter how many times I woke up hollow. I got up, rolled my sleeves, and tried. Again and again and again. Ignored my tears, wiped my sweat, tended to the bleeding. I was sure we’d come out of this alive.

It took me a while to reach the realization that this wasn’t it. I tried my best and yet we were still stale, stagnant, strange – and not in a good way. We didn’t fit as well as we wanted to, as well as they wanted us to. We were two pieces of different puzzles. And I had to say goodbye. Because I knew I tried my hardest and it still left me bleeding out on the sidewalk, watching others thrive.

I don’t resent him. I did. Once, twice, five hundred times. I hated and cursed him. But now I don’t begrudge him anymore. I forgave him and I forgave me. Four and something years is a long time, but we really thought we could work. And Writing always assured me that it was for the best. He told me to look at what that time has granted me. More appreciation for the time I have now and a conviction to do better.

Writing whispers in my ears, tickles my brain. I told him it was annoying but secretly I love it. This douche keeps me at night with his bullshit and makes me really grumpy the next morning. But there are butterflies in my stomach and no holes in my heart.

He tells me a traumatizing past only makes me more interesting. He tells me past mistakes only write better stories. And he tells me it’s okay if I suck sometimes. There’s always time to edit tomorrow.

People look at me like I’m crazy when I’m with him. Surely that much hope can only lead to disappointment. But he keeps me alive, keeps me breathing. And when he hurts me, he’s not too proud to apologize the next day. He opens up a new page for us and shows me that we could be better with a little more optimism and patience. And he never cages me, he tells me I could be anything I want to be and do what I want to do. There are no rules to this, according to him. Only a few suggestions. And I could live with that. I am happy with that.


Goodbye, 2016. Hello, 2017.


To Kylie Jenner, 2016 was the year of realizing stuff and to America, it might as well be the beginning of the apocalypse.

To me, it was a mixture of both…and more.

Let’s start at the very beginning. As an overly negative individual, surprisingly I am able to start every new year with a positive outlook. I had high hopes for 2016. But it didn’t take me long to completely diminish those hopeful thoughts because I fell ill. Not the weak kind that makes people pity me. The horrible kind that drives paranoid out of my mind.

We found out that I have hyperthyroidism – it’s a complicated illness that you can always Google! I’ve gotten sick of explaining it to people. But an illness is an illness, you can’t seriously expect rainbows and unicorns.

I was terrified of being in a sea of people, terrified of having too many eyes on me, terrified of people my age. Panic attacks was just something I had to swallow down in the middle of classes.

But it wasn’t long until a worse form of illness came to attack me – dengue fever. Out of all the diseases I could have. I had dengue fever and I was sure some of my anxiety caused it. Because I couldn’t sleep at night. I couldn’t calm down. I was trembling inside my skin.

I’ve walked on Earth for twenty years, flown to multiple continents, and I’ve never been hospitalized. Until dengue fever.

I’m positive it was one of the lowest points of my life – I had never been so miserable.

And it wasn’t only the sickness, it wasn’t just the hospital – there were countless external complications that wouldn’t leave me alone.

I should’ve hated being in the hospital, stuck in a generic bed that had been slept on by multiple people before me and who knows? – someone might’ve died on the very same mattress, the very same sheets. But I preferred it than being in the classroom – and I hated the hospital.

I still remember my cry for help because I couldn’t even pee like a normal person, “What did I do to deserve this?!” 

Surprisingly, it was worse once I was back in the classes. Yes, some of the burdens had been taken care of. But it was a living hell – I willingly walked myself into a living hell every single day. Nothing made me happy and I emailed a bunch of community colleges in the US and made this power point presentation to convince my parents to let me go.

But life is funny, too humorous to let you down when you’ve cried yourself to sleep every night.

It was almost like it had been taking notes of the horrible things that had happened to me:

“Okay, let’s see the list of the horrible things that’s happened to her these couple of months…

Horrible almost panic attacks?”


“Hospitalized for almost two weeks?”


“Having zero friends she actually trusts.”


“Getting a shitty role in the school musical?”

“Pfftttt, check.”

“An endless supply of anxiety?

“Big check.”

“Feeling like she’s never good enough?”

“A check for every day of the last month.”

“And what about crying herself to sleep every night?”

“Don’t act like you haven’t heard her.”

“Okay, let’s list the good things down now.”

“Umm…yeah…about that.”

(I’m not really sure who this conversation might have involved. I just feel like it happened somewhere in the middle of May.)

I was basically Dory, cluelessly swimming through a massive sea full of things I had no knowledge about, by myself. Then finally I found Marlin.

Finally. Finally. Finally.

Around that time things had begun looking up.

It’s a cringe-fest and totally cliche. But one night I was going home, listening to sad songs, looking out of the window, crying over something upsetting that had happened a couple hours earlier.

Life has the best timing, I swear.

I got a text from this guy, whose name I won’t mention, who I’ve liked for a very long time. I’m talking about huge chunks of years.

I think the funniest thing is that he didn’t know how much he helped me and the fact that we didn’t know what was about to ensue, how many more days we were going to talk to each other

With the absurd fear that he will read this, I just want to say…as a writer, a daydreamer – I make a lot of things up. I fabricate conversations that had never happened and will never transpire. So I was enveloped in the this is totally going to happen feeling, the after so many years! feeling. That was why, I think, I was insanely confident of where it was going.

Let me spare you the whole story that would keep you overly hopeful but ended on the most disappointing note – nothing happened.

And it’s left me craving for some closure. But maybe I deserved it. For all the conversations we’d never had but I’ve made in my mind. For all the days that were never coming but I’ve designed to the very last detail.

This had ended in my friends telling me to: “Chuck him in a drawer.”

Like a solo sock, which counterpart you’ve lost.

I think hope might be the most dangerous weapon in the universe.

But don’t worry, as I’ve said things had been looking up. The second half of 2016 was fun (for the most part). I came up with an idea for a book around the same time that guy reappeared in my life and now I’m in the middle of finishing it. Huzzah! My first book ever – despite the fact that I’m not publishing it, nor do I have plans of it for the future.

Soon after that, I flew to London. Had one of the best times of my life. I SAW HARRY POTTER AND THE CURSED CHILD. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world that day, I swear to God.

So yeah – the lowest point of my life had been countered by the highest point in my life. Plus, I actually talked to Anthony Boyle and he was incredibly sweet.

I was skeptical when the new semester rolled in. But things went shockingly great.


Friends who I actually like. And I also patched some severed friendships up. At least if I were to die tomorrow, there would be no unfinished business – you know, except with that one guy.

I have to say, I feel like this year had been the year of friendship.

I would’ve never imagined that I would be the kind of person to meet people from all over the world and actually befriend them. I had substantial conversations with strangers in London. I fixed things with the ex-friend and now we’re civilized. I’m talking with that guy again after…I don’t know – a year? Regardless the fact that it didn’t end great. I got to know some of my favorite people ever because of my current group. I made sure my friend who I’ve kind of lost contact with know that albeit the lack of contact between us, she still matters deeply to me. And most importantly, I regained back a friendship from when I was in elementary school and she remains one of my best friends ever – she might just be one of the people who actually gets me.

It’s been ridiculously great and I’m so grateful for every single soul that I’ve connected with. Because at one point in the beginning of the year, I was moaning over my lack of faith in humanity.

All I could think is: “Thank God I didn’t kill myself, ha.” 

I’m not saying that my life has effectively detoxed itself from problems. Life would simply not be life that way.

At least now I’m ending this year on a good note. Even though I’m spending this very hour, the beginning of the new year, in my parents room, on the sofa, watching SKAM. Even though I’m currently anxious about my final exam, finishing my book, getting my secondhand book instagram up, reading more books, writing more personal essays and taking IELTS classes and actually taking the tests, the three-week school trip to the countryside when I’m going to be completely out of touch and probably disconnected from the internet, the new semester after, my parents’s decision of my transfer, blablabla – there are just too many things.

But there is absolutely nothing that I can do, except to suck it up and do it. Just fucking do it and see where all my effort take me.

PS. I’m reviving this little blog. It will no longer be just about books, but it’s going to be about me. (So self-centered, pfft, I know.)

Half of My Favorite Books of 2016 So Far

I know, okay? I know this is so terribly lazy of me. You can always see my favorite books (at least from 2015-now here) on Goodreads. You probably don’t see the point of this post, but I’m going to be frank. Partly because if I lived in the Divergent universe, I would probably be in Candor; but mostly I’m not one for bullcrap. Here goes, I get graded by how frequent I post things and this is literally one of the things that I’m good at (I’m not even sure that there is another thing I’m good at aside of this.) and I would really like to get a good, satisfying grade. If I’m being optimistic (or imaginative?), I would really love an A.

I would also love to have a better and longer intro than that, but I have nothing but excuses for you right now, lately I’ve been insanely busy with the musical and classes and assignments and I’m horribly sleep-deprived. So I’m just going to go into it, right here right now. In the short five and almost a half months, I’ve scoured up twelve favorite books out of the forty seven books that I’ve read and here half of them are, for you by yours truly:

1. It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini (Jan 1-Jan 2)


If you love books as much as I do, there is a fat with a side of mayo chance that you are aware of this book’s existence. It’s a story about this kid named Greg (I’m so surprised of how I can remember his name while I feel my left eye throbbing in sleeplessness) who is so depressed because of the pressure he had on himself that one day he got suicidal and almost jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge (I think it was the Brooklyn Bridge). But instead of falling to dead, he found himself checking into a mental hospital. His funny, crazy, complicated journey began.

I watched the movie (Which is also pretty good. Emma Roberts, Viola Davis, Zach Galifianakis, and so many other big names are in it.) before I ever read the book and it was a re-read, but I still find it totally awesome (the most American thing to say ever, I know.) and it’s so relatable for me. Greg sometimes wished that he had a realistic reason to be depressed, but it was just his mind, working overtime thinking about his life. What he had to do to become successful and the people he had to not disappoint. It is so heartbreaking to see how such a mundane problem leads to an almost-suicide, but I understand him so much. And of course in the span time that I was reading it, I find myself thinking that maybe I should do what he did if I ever get to that point.

I loved how I started the year with a bang by reading this gem and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This book will remain one of my favorites forever.

My trashy Review: IKoAFS

2. Percy Jackson’s Greek Gods by Rick Riordan (Jan 21-Jan 23)


Explaining my love for Percy Jackson and Greek mythology is almost as hard as explaining my love for my five month-old nephew. I see it, I love it. It’s there and I have this abundance of unconditional love for it. It’s intriguing and also lovable. You see, it’s completely absurd but it’s there.

Also, this book is effin’ hilarious and the Olympians are cuckoo, but Hera more than everyone else. You can read all about that in my review.

My quirky(?), humorous Review: PJGG

3 & 4. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets by JK Rowling (Jan 25-Jan 29 and Jan 31-Feb 1)

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I don’t think I need to elaborate. I mean, they are the two first books of the Harry Potter series and Harry Potter is probably my most favorite thing in the world. I am actually re-reading the whole series this year in anticipation of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. I just haven’t found the time to read the next five books.

My God, you really don’t have to Reviews: HPatPS and HPatCoS

5. Winter by Marissa Meyer (Feb 10-Feb 13)


God (or maybe I should’ve said Aces instead), this book. How am I supposed to explain my love for Winter after the laziness and absurdity of my explanations for number 2, 3, 4?

The feelings I have for this book isn’t much different from the last three books. It is the last installment to The Lunar Chronicles series and I love that series so much that my heart breaks at the mention of its name. It is such a good last book, very action-packed, the romance is fulfilling, and it’s so, so satisfying to read. Yes, all 824 pages of it.

What I couldn’t believe is that we’ve gotten to the end of it. We will no longer hear from these amazing characters (except for Stars Above and that Iko graphic novel, fingers are still crossed.), there is not one main character that I hated. And also probably why I bought that overpriced incomplete magnetic bookmarks. But hey, they’re cute.

My non-spoilery and therefore not so exciting Review: W

6. Gathering Darkness by Morgan Rhodes (Feb 29-Mar 2)


I swear I didn’t plan to only mostly love the fantasy/sci-fi/mythology-themed books in the beginning of the year. It just happens that I can thoroughly enjoy them when I have no classes to worry about so I binge on them. Just imagine me eating these books, yum.

This book, for me, is the best out of the first three of the Falling Kingdoms books. Something happens with my OTP of the series and because of that, I’m a goner. I am so cheap sometimes.

I don’t really want to get into the story of this either because it’s the third book of the Falling Kingdoms series and I swear I’m doing you a service and avoiding sins by doing so. Just go read Falling Kingdoms, Rebel Spring, and Gathering Darkness in one go like I did at the end of February to the beginning of March and thank me later. Or you can thank me in advance, I don’t care. Just do it, as Nike likes to put it.


Look, I am so guilty of doing this. But with the sleep-deprivation, I can’t even think straight or see without blurs, so I’m doing myself a favor and also you from reading about why I love twelve books in one go. I’m awful with promises so I’m not going to promise you the other half of this series of posts soon, but I do plan on doing it. I also have one more draft that is actually very cool and inspiring and very different, very new; but it requires a lot of research and time and right now I lack both. But do look forward to it.



May Wrap Up!

May, may,  may, may. A pretty eventful month it was. Tears were shed, laughter escaped, my laziness has tripled, and a handful (armful?) books were read.

It was a pretty good reading month, with midterm behind me and some downtime alone in my room/car. Although I was writing a lot too, surprisingly I found the time to just read. 

Since I’m a pretty loyal person and I do like sticking to my roots, here’s another list for you. The eight books that I read in May:

1. Never Never by Colleen Hoover


“How odd to be made of flesh, balanced on bone, and filled with a soul you’ve never met.”

Charlize Wynwood and Silas Nash have been best friends since they could walk. They’ve been in love since the age of fourteen.
But as of this morning…they are complete strangers.
Their first kiss, their first fight, the moment they fell in love…every memory has vanished.

“I don’t care what our real first kiss was,” he says. “That’s the one I want to remember.”

Charlize and Silas must work together to uncover the truth about what happened to them and why. But the more they learn about the couple they used to be…the more they question why they were ever together to begin with.

“I want to remember what it feels like to love someone like that. And not just anyone. I want to know what it feels like to love Charlie.”

My Rating: 4 out of 5 obvious Queen Colleen stars.

My honestly it’s a handful of dung you can pass it Review: Never Never

2. Too Late by Colleen Hoover


Sloan will go through hell and back for her little brother. And she does, every single night.

Forced to remain in a relationship with the dangerous and corrupt Asa Jackson, Sloan will do whatever it takes to make sure her brother has what he needs.

Nothing will get in her way.

Nothing except Carter.

Sloan is the only good thing to ever happen to Asa. He knows this and he never plans on letting her go; even if she doesn’t approve of his lifestyle. But despite Sloan’s disapproval, Asa knows what it takes to get what he wants. He knows what he needs to do to remain on top.

Nothing will get in his way.

Nothing except Carter.


My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars, this book is effed up and smutty, but you know. Ahem.

My super biased Review: Too Late

3. The Stonekeeper (Amulet #1) by Kazu Kibuishi


After the tragic death of their father, Emily and Navin move with their mother to the home of her deceased great-grandfather, but the strange house proves to be dangerous. Before long, a sinister creature lures the kids’ mom through a door in the basement. Em and Navin, desperate not to lose her, follow her into an underground world inhabited by demons, robots, and talking animals.

Eventually, they enlist the help of a small mechanical rabbit named Miskit. Together with Miskit, they face the most terrifying monster of all, and Em finally has the chance to save someone she loves.

My Rating: 3 out of 5 stars, first graphic novel after some time and it wasn’t satisfying my thirst.

My short review that you really don’t need in your short lifetime Review: The Stornekeeper

4. A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas


When nineteen-year-old huntress Feyre kills a wolf in the woods, a beast-like creature arrives to demand retribution for it. Dragged to a treacherous magical land she only knows about from legends, Feyre discovers that her captor is not an animal, but Tamlin—one of the lethal, immortal faeries who once ruled their world.

As she dwells on his estate, her feelings for Tamlin transform from icy hostility into a fiery passion that burns through every lie and warning she’s been told about the beautiful, dangerous world of the Fae. But an ancient, wicked shadow grows over the faerie lands, and Feyre must find a way to stop it… or doom Tamlin—and his world—forever.


My overly emotional tim tam and reese’s pieces filled Review: ACOTAR (who has the time to type that title down for the second time?)

5. The Moth & the Flame by Renee Ahdieh


It started as playful, if barbed, banter before rising to a fateful wager with a most notorious rake—the Captain of the Guard, Jalal al-Khoury—who may have finally met his match in a lovely, if haughty, handmaiden, Despina. But she, too, seems to have met her match in the handsome Jalal. What begins as a tempestuous battle of will and wit in short order becomes a passionate affair spurred on by tragedy of the worst kind.

My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars because even though I loooooooove Jaspina or whatever their ship name is, THIS WAS TOO SHORT AND WHERE WAS THAT VERY IMPORTANT CRUCIAL SCENE WHERE THEY…UGHHHHHHHHHH?!?!?!

My nine sentences of a Review: TM&TF

6. The Crown & the Arrow by Renee Ahdieh


Seventy-one days and seventy-one nights had come and gone since Khalid began killing his brides. This dawn, Khalid would mark the loss of the seventy-second girl, Shahrzad al-Khayzuran. Khalid didn’t know how many more of these dawns he could take. And there was something about this latest girl that piqued his interest. Not only had she volunteered to marry him, but at their wedding ceremony, she had seemed not the least bit afraid. In fact, what he had seen in her eyes was nothing short of pure hatred. She was about to lose her life. Why wasn’t she afraid? Why did she hate him so? He had never before gone to his wife’s chambers before her death at dawn. Tonight would be different.

My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars because KHALID.

My Review: Trust Khalid to make my heart thump to vigorously and my brain sweat in curiosity.” That was literally it.
7. The Mirror & the Maze by Renee Ahdieh


The city of Rey is burning. With smoke billowing, fires blazing and his people fleeing, Khalid races back to defend his city, and protect his queen. But Khalid is too late to do either. He and his men arrive to find the city in ruins, nothing but a maze of destruction, and Shahrzad is gone. But who could have wrought such devastation? Khalid fears he may already know the answer, the price of choosing love over the people of Rey all too evident.

My Rating: 4 emotional wreck stars.

My I should be reading The Rose and the Dagger Review: TMTM

8. Stars Above by Marissa Meyer


The enchantment continues….

The universe of the Lunar Chronicles holds stories—and secrets—that are wondrous, vicious, and romantic. How did Cinder first arrive in New Beijing? How did the brooding soldier Wolf transform from young man to killer? When did Princess Winter and the palace guard Jacin realize their destinies?

With nine stories—five of which have never before been published—and an exclusive never-before-seen excerpt from Marissa Meyer’s upcoming novel, Heartless, about the Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland, Stars Above is essential for fans of the bestselling and beloved Lunar Chronicles.

The Little Android: A retelling of Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid,” set in the world of The Lunar Chronicles.
Glitches: In this prequel to Cinder, we see the results of the plague play out, and the emotional toll it takes on Cinder. Something that may, or may not, be a glitch….
The Queen’s Army: In this prequel to Scarlet, we’re introduced to the army Queen Levana is building, and one soldier in particular who will do anything to keep from becoming the monster they want him to be.
Carswell’s Guide to Being Lucky: Thirteen-year-old Carswell Thorne has big plans involving a Rampion spaceship and a no-return trip out of Los Angeles.
The Keeper: A prequel to the Lunar Chronicles, showing a young Scarlet and how Princess Selene came into the care of Michelle Benoit.
After Sunshine Passes By: In this prequel to Cress, we see how a nine-year-old Cress ended up alone on a satellite, spying on Earth for Luna.
The Princess and the Guard: In this prequel to Winter, we see a game called The Princess
The Mechanic: In this prequel to Cinder, we see Kai and Cinder’s first meeting from Kai’s perspective.
Something Old, Something New: In this epilogue to Winter, friends gather for the wedding of the century…

My Rating: ALL THE STARS IN THE GALAXY IF I COULD. GOD. THAT WEDDING. GOD. (this is the part where I cried again because I can’t believe this series is over.)

My basically made out of tears Review: Stars Above

Reading-wise this month was pretty emotional with my not so final goodbye to the Lunar Chronicles (THERE IS STILL THAT IKO GRAPHIC NOVEL, FINGERS CROSSED. BUT OF COURSE WE WON’T GET ANOTHER OR THREE OTHER WEDDING EPILOGUES.) and then starting ACOTAR, which is now one of my favorite series ever even though I’m too much of a wuss to start ACOMAF. My body is ready for Tim Tam and Reese’s Pieces but my mind needs a very long break before I pick it up. Then those two crazy Colleen Hoover books, sigh,  you know how emotionally tolling those books are. AND I CAN’T WAIT TO START THE ROSE AND THE DAGGER, but I still have stacks of books begging to be read.

So, if you’re looking for me (or my nose), I (or it) will be behind one of those books.

Au revoir.


I Read, Therefore I Write.

This is going to surprise you tremendously, but today (drumroll, please)…I DON’T HAVE ANOTHER LIST FOR YOU! HA! Today, I will tell you too much about my life because I have the tendency to overshare! Especially if it’s written down!

I was actually writing about my life goals etc., etc. and it felt like I was pouring WAY TOO MUCH of my heart and my mind. It made me feel vulnerable and out there, to the point that I cried. It’s that sad. I was already halfway through the story, but I left it since I had to get on with my life and I thought it over. That was when I realized, “Nope. Not today. And probably not any day.” 

So, I asked myself, “what can I write about me that doesn’t give away too much, but enough for anyone who reads it to know how my mind works?” 

Then it occurred to me. I could talk about writing. It’s relevant to this blog, it’s very me, and yeah, it didn’t take much to persuade myself to do it. And although it’s probably going to be hard to do, it’s going to be worth it.

I started writing (like, really writing. Stories and poems and lyrics and all that jazz.) around the time that I started reading (novels, comic books, not textbooks or in general), hence the title of this post. I was exposed to books very early in my life. I don’t remember exactly what the first book I read was, but I can still recall the days I wrote stories in one of those notebooks with cartoon characters on their covers.

I remember writing a story about an undercover princess, it was kind of like Ella Enchanted meets The Princess Diaries; a story that was pretty similar to She’s the Man (She’s the Man was actually based on a Shakespeare’s work, Twelfth Night and the plot has been used over and over to the point that if I had published that, it wouldn’t be wrong at all); a story about long lost twins BEFORE that Switched at Birth show became a thinga story about this kid designer; and so many more. You probably understand what’s up now. And this was in elementary school. This was only the beginning of it.

Twelve years were over and suddenly I was in junior high school. It was such a big part of my life, those three years. Those years heavily shaped me to be who I am today, alongside of Taylor Swift (who is also responsible for making me learn how to play a guitar). I began writing more poems than stories. Lyrics. To no end. I had my not-first-but-it-felt-like-it boyfriend and he was the ultimate muse…for really sad songs. Pfft, yeah, that happened. But of course, I was still very loyal to my roots. I don’t remember what kind of stories I wrote then, but I actually still have some of them on my hard drive. I remember one of the titles had ‘McKinley High School’ in it and that was also BEFORE Glee (is this the moment that I realize I’m Raven Baxter-psychic?), but I can’t recall what it was about.

High school (eww, high school.) was the bane of my writing career (well, technically not a career, but need I remind you, this is my blog.). Poems and lyrics didn’t come because my love life was non-existent and even when there was a little bit of it, it wasn’t inspiring. I also didn’t do much reading in general. Basically, I was so miserable that I forgot what made me happy. But then I held on to other sources of happiness, TV shows and movies. Especially, John Hughes’s works (Breakfast Club is one of my favorite movies, ever.) and also French films (I swear I’m not trying to sound cool or anything, it just happened). My depression depleted and my happiness level increased and once again, I found myself writing. Couldn’t help it. It is my nature, it is my default. Mustn’t tell you what I wrote, because I was starting to get good ideas and plots.

Fast-forward to the beginning of college, I struggled again. I wasn’t encouraged. Until I read more books and watched more movies and TV shows and ideas flowed through me like blood. Here and there and everywhere. And this time, I really shouldn’t tell you what the stories are about. I think you’d have to kill me, or my friend Thalia, because I treat her like my publishing agent (if you’re reading this, I love you and our three hour long phone calls).

But that’s the nice part of it. The nicest. Here comes the bad.

Years and years, I’ve read many books. Definitely more than my peers. They were my alternative to life, my escape. I could be anyone. With those many books, I should be eloquent and I should be so familiar with words to the point that I could write my own dictionary, right?


I’m probably as eloquent as the next kid in my class. Ideas were easy, words? Not so much. Here’s a simple problem that I’m still struggle with, I use the words: said, told, nodded, grinned, smirked, snorted, and there are plenty more where that came from, too much. Waaay too much and I hate it. I struggle with it. I’m pretty sure real writers don’t use thesaurus.com and I do. Therefore, I’m not a real writer. Yet.

There is also an issue of persistency. Whoa, this one. Believe it or not, from all those stories I told you about, I have never ever finished one. I’ve never gotten to the part where I press enter three times and the align center button and type in THE END. I’ve never done that and it makes me feel pretty, pardon my French, shitty (or in actual French, merde-ish).

But that’s not too bad, you know, I think it’s good to have an arsenal of ideas. Maybe one day, I finally get to really learn how to really write and then I can just pick any one of them. And maybe that will actually be the start of my writing career. As Thalia said earlier (at 3 a.m.), you’ll never know.

And strangely enough, right now, I’ve been constantly writing. It just feels easy and college is not easy. And I want to do something that I can indeed do and indeed like. It annoys me so much when I have a hard time in a class and then I go home and began writing and the six words that come to mind are, “I should be doing this instead.” 

I don’t want to think about it too much and especially because I am capable of over-thinking. And it’s not fun when the words being replayed in your mind like a broken record are: I’m stupid and I made a mistake that I will regret for the rest of my life.” And it’s not like the end of my life is near. If I do live up to, say, 80; then I still have 50 something years to learn how to write and write my book. Thus I know for a fact that I shouldn’t stress about it too much, except for the fact that I’m dragging both my legs and an arm through business school. Blergh. I DON’T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY, BRAIN? JUST STOP!

Also I question myself sometimes. “Do I really have what it takes? Can I really be a writer? Can I do it?” But nevertheless, one of my biggest dreams is to publish at least one book in this lifetime.

Now, to the book that I’m kind of writing at the moment.

This story is great. I can see how it plays out. I can see the beginning, the middle, and the end. I can watch it like a movie in my mind and I’ve written five chapters in the past four days. I’ve written down my ideas so I don’t forget them and in a chronological order at that. So it feels so, so, so good. And whenever I’m away from my laptop, it’s all I can think about. It’s up to the point where I think, “Should I, maybe, post it on Wattpad?” 

But it feels daunting and it shouldn’t partly because I’m a Gryffindor (I say this every time I get cowardly) and mostly because it’s just a learning process and I don’t even have to reveal my identity. I also don’t expect the first book that I put out there to suddenly be a the most read story on Wattpad or for a publishing company to contact and beg me to sign with them. I’m not that naive. I know my place. I don’t have a degree in English Lit and a lot of the authors I love do.

With this post, I say, I think I’m going to do it. Not now, obviously. But probably if I do milk out at least ten chapters and I get someone or several people to test-read it. And I’m only going to do that after I edit those chapters. So, you see, that’s definitely going to take a while (I loathe editing (: ). When I do, I’ll probably write a post around it, but after I tell Nadya and Thalia (I put your names alphabetically. You guys are equal in my heart. Same sized parking lots and everything.).

So there’s my word vomit (wow, all of a sudden my background is very relevant). This post consists of 1659 words and people would probably hesitate to read this or will never, but that’s okay. Or maybe one day I’ll be famous and people will care. Who knows. But regardless of that, I did this for me.

To end this post, here’s one of my favorite quotes, brought to you by the guy who wrote my favorite classic novel:


Big Bad Wolf Books Pretty Big Book Haul

Did you get lost in the title? But seeing that you’ve reached this line, it’s safe to say you got out of there, so congratulations! (Am I being sarcastic?)

So! I did promise all y’all (oops, my southern-belle-ness is peeking) a Big Bad Wolf Book Haul in my previous post. And that was two weeks ago. Is there a maximum number of the word oops that can be used in one paragraph? I hope not. Because, for the third time, oops. I messed up big time with that two week break, but in my defense I was struggling through my midterm exams!

And I hate to break it to you, but I think we’re seeing another post…with…a list. (GOD DAMN IT, DEL! YOU PROMISED US VARIETY!) (IS THERE A NAME FOR A LIST ADDICT? LISDICT?). But then again how else am I going to depict all these books for you? Huh? Making lists is a way of life and I’m not quitting it! (I’m not sure why I’m being very dramatic in this post, but let’s just go with it.) 

Let’s skip my dramatics and antics, and get to the eight books that I obtained in the two days that I went to the Big Bad Wolf Book Sale:

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1. High Fidelity by Nick Hornby 

It’s pretty easy as to why I picked this up on my second day. After a hefty amount of observation on the first day, I realized that most of the books were published by English publishing companies. The smart part of my brain added two and two together and instead of finding four, it occurred to me that there was a bigger chance of finding best-selling English books, rather than American ones (not that I’m picky…well, I am a little picky when the spines of my books are not the same height…but my mild OCD is a topic for another day, or never.). So I came back to my room and researched for best-selling English (nationality, not language) novels and came across the usual list of Harry Potter books, Nick Hornby books, and some other chick-lit novels that I’m not interested in at all.

Then of course I realized that this High Fidelity book by Nick Hornby was what the movie, High Fidelity, was based on. I have this little obsession with John Cusack since I first watched Say Anything and so I knew High Fidelity. It’s basically about this guy, Rob, who took care of this record store that was heading to bankruptcy and then his girlfriend, Laura, broke up with him and thus begins his depressing journey of soul searching. Or at least that was what I remembered. Also, it’s the only Nick Hornby book that had pretty good ratings and I decided to give it a try.

Goodreads: High Fidelity


2. It’s Not Me, It’s You by Mhairi McFarlane 

Not so interesting story behind me getting this book: I saw it one day in a Books & Beyond thinking, “That looks cute.” I picked it up from the charcoal black shelf and turned the book to read the blurb on the back of it. What were the chances? The main character’s name is Delia and I’ve never read a book with a main character whose name was the same as mine.

Then what were the chances of this book showing up in the middle of those crazy stacks of more books on one of those incredibly strong tables? The chances, as it turned out, was really fat. So without much pondering, in it went into my cobalt blue trolley.

Goodreads: It’s Not Me, It’s You


3. More Than This by Patrick Ness

I didn’t love The Rest of Us Just Live Here, but it is said that More Than This is a very good book. I don’t really trust John Green because I hate TFiOS (I could hear people quoting Mean Girls at me. “Boo, you whore!“) and I don’t really like the MPDG characters that he wrote. I mean, already we girls have so many unbelievable standards made by society than suddenly John Green sort of made us believe that we need to be sick, make riddles and takes up running away from home as a hobby, yadda yadda, for guys to like us. That doesn’t sit well with me and I forgot this post is not titled, “Why I’m Not In Love With John Green, but Owns Every Single One of His Books Except for TFiOS”. But, that said, I like Looking for Alaska to some extent. Even though, she was too, an MPDG. And his blurbs is just like, “Just Read It.”, which intrigued me. And this book’s rating is 4.04 on Goodreads. That’s not bad at all.

Goodreads: More Than This


4. NOGGIN by John Corey Whaley 

What do I know about Noggin? Story-wise? Absolutely nothing. And that answer still stands to this day, two weeks later after I bought this book. But I did know about John Corey Whaley and his Printz winning book, which isn’t this one. It’s Where Things Come Back. But I decided that a guy with a Printz winning book can be trusted and I needed more shorter books and THE SPINE MATCHES WITH MY OTHER AMERICAN PUBLISHED BOOKS!!! (Don’t patronize me about buying books because of their height, that’s my mom’s job.)

Goodreads: NOGGIN


5. The Treatment by Suzanne Young

I am simply not the type of person to buy a second book ahead of the first. But I do make an exception when the book’s about 1/3 of the price it’s usually sold for.

This is the second book of The Program duo-logy, which I have been eyeing for the looongest time but haven’t gotten around to reading yet. (Really, del? With all of these unread books sitting around? Who would’ve known?) So I bought it with the hope that I will read the first book soon. I don’t want to know a single thing about this second book’s plot and spoil myself.

Goodreads: The Treatment


6. The Ship of Brides by Jojo Moyes

I’ve stated before, somewhere, that I’m a pretty impulsive person. Seriously. I do the weirdest things because of it. Like, serotonin or endorphins gets released to my brains with just the thought of doing something spontaneous and then I do it and then more times than not, I regret it. 

Whether I like to admit it or not, this book is leaning towards the regret pile. Because let’s face it, with all the YA books just waiting impatiently to be read by me in my ivory shelves, this book doesn’t stand a chance. Damn Jojo Moyes and her nice covers. And damn myself for being hungry and sleepless when I reached for it. And my hands for reaching for it. Damn it all.

Goodreads: The Ship of Brides


7. The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare and co. 

Now, to the good part.

I saw hardbacks of City of Lost Souls lying around on those strangely strong tables and did my best at restraining myself from reaching for a book that I already own. On the second day, I wasn’t let down by the stack of The Bane Chronicles books, fresh in the middle of the YA table. I heard angels sing and devils cry. A McElderly Books published Cassandra Clare book for around $6? Don’t mind if I do.

I’ve read this book in the ebook form and honestly, Cassie could do better. But I would never deny myself of expanding my Shadowhunter Chronicles collection.

Goodreads: The Bane Chronicles


8. Between the Lines by Jodi Picoult and Samantha Van Leer

Finally, the very last book in this haul. My eyes have started to tire and my headache’s coming back around. So, I’ll make this quick.

I saw this, it was a hardback, my phone was dying, so I thought, what the hell? 

And now I’m still thinking the same thing, only a little longer; what the hell was I thinking?

I’m getting The Ship of Brides vibes from this book, especially with its 3.57 rating on Goodreads. But who knows, you know. Maybe, just maybe. I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt.

Goodreads: Between the Lines


Wow! I did it! I hauled those eight books! It was a challenge, but it was pretty fun. Maybe if I wasn’t holding my pee in or squinting my eyes because my contacts are feeling a bit dry. (TMI?) 

I’ll see you on (in?) my next post.


With an abundance of love and zero promises this time,

Delirious Damsel.


April Wrap Up!

Phew, another month has passed us by! What the hell? How are we almost at the middle point of the year again? That’s insane. But also okay, because I really need that summer break.

It’s safe to say that I don’t read many books when I’m dragging my ass, one leg, and both arms through a semester, and this April, I only read four. Four measly books. I feel like I deserve to be in King’s Landing, naked, walking through the city, with people yelling “SHAME!” at me for it. But you know, maybe another day, when I have Lena Headey’s body-double’s body.

And by now you should already know of my infatuation with lists and I’m very loyal and even more committed to this lists thing. So, here’s another one coming right at you!

The four measly books I’ve read this past boring, miserable month (plus their Goodreads blurbs and the link to my reviews!):


1. Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare

In a secret world where half-angel warriors are sworn to fight demons, parabatai is a sacred word.

A parabatai is your partner in battle. A parabatai is your best friend. Parabatai can be everything to each other—but they can never fall in love.

Emma Carstairs is a warrior, a Shadowhunter, and the best in her generation. She lives for battle. Shoulder to shoulder with her parabatai, Julian Blackthorn, she patrols the streets of Los Angeles, where vampires party on the Sunset Strip, and faeries—the most powerful of supernatural creatures—teeter on the edge of open war with Shadowhunters. When the bodies of humans and faeries turn up murdered in the same way Emma’s parents were when she was a child, an uneasy alliance is formed. This is Emma’s chance for revenge—and Julian’s chance to get back his brother Mark, who is being held prisoner by the faerie Courts. All Emma, Mark, and Julian have to do is solve the murders within two weeks…and before the murderer targets them.

Their search takes Emma from sea caves full of sorcery to a dark lottery where death is dispensed. And each clue she unravels uncovers more secrets. What has Julian been hiding from her all these years? Why does Shadowhunter Law forbid parabatai to fall in love? Who really killed her parents—and can she bear to know the truth?


My really, really bad, please don’t expect anything if you decide to read it Review: Lady Midnight


2. Looking for Alaska by John Green 

Before. Miles “Pudge” Halter’s whole existence has been one big nonevent, and his obsession with famous last words has only made him crave the “Great Perhaps” (François Rabelais, poet) even more. He heads off to the sometimes crazy, possibly unstable, and anything-but-boring world of Culver Creek Boarding School, and his life becomes the opposite of safe. Because down the hall is Alaska Young. The gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, self-destructive, screwed-up, and utterly fascinating Alaska Young, who is an event unto herself. She pulls Pudge into her world, launches him into the Great Perhaps, and steals his heart.

After. Nothing is ever the same.

My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars because feels. This was a re-read!

My shortest, you never have to read Review: Looking for Alaska


3. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness

What if you aren’t the Chosen One? The one who’s supposed to fight the zombies, or the soul-eating ghosts, or whatever the heck this new thing is, with the blue lights and the death?

What if you’re like Mikey? Who just wants to graduate and go to prom and maybe finally work up the courage to ask Henna out before someone goes and blows up the high school. Again.

Because sometimes there are problems bigger than this week’s end of the world, and sometimes you just have to find the extraordinary in your ordinary life.

Even if your best friend is worshipped by mountain lions.

My Rating: 3 out of 5, it was meh.

My ok, I guess Review: The Rest of Us Just Live Here


4. My Heart and Other Black Holes by Jasmine Warga

Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.

Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince.

My Rating: 5 OUT OF 5!!!I ACTED OUT IMAGINARY SCENES AND CRIED. CRIED. And this book has been picked up by Paramount and I’m basking in misery because I will never get the opportunity to portray Aysel.



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My favorites are hands down Lady Midnight and My Heart and Other Black Holes. I can’t emphasize this enough. All of you out there, go to the nearest bookstore and grab these lovely, lovely books depending on your particular taste. Go for Lady Midnight if you like YA Fantasy/Paranormal (why am I telling you this? You all know Cassie Clare!) and My Heart and Other Black Holes if you like…books. Seriously, it’s that amazing.

Now I’m hungry at 10 p.m. with nothing to eat and the new Game of Thrones episode to watch! I’ll just…consume all of this free air. And I’ll be getting my Big Bad Wolf haul up soon! See ya!